Caroling, caroling through the snow
Christmas bells are ringing
Joyous voices sweet and clear
Sing the sad of heart to cheer
Ding, dong, ding, dong
Christmas bells are ringing.
Santa hats donned. OMAG folders in hand. Officer and Programming Director as guides. OMAG sets forth through the bitter cold and occasional snowflake to spread good holiday cheer. But who is there to listen? A few dental and medical assistants, an education officer who turns us away due to standardized testing going on in the building, a few media center inhabitants, and (from the outside looking in) a visitation room hosting family members and residents. OMAG stands in the cold outside the windows peering into the visitation room while those inside witness what might appear as our joyful pantomime. Who can hear us? Who will hear us? We are invited inside the room after several carols sung outside. A little girl is excited to see the Santa hats. She requests us to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” We oblige. The little girl, her younger sister, and her incarcerated father begin to dance together in the Visitation Room. The OMAG men are clearly moved by this shared happiness.
Then what to our wondering eyes should appear, but an invitation by the Programming Director and Officer to sing in two of the three men’s “dorms” (i.e., “blocks”, “cells,” living spaces). Again, we oblige. The first dorm’s halls are duly decked for the Christmastide. Beautiful paper snowflakes (made by the residents) hang from the ceiling. The residents gather to taste our cups of good cheer. Communal singing and applause. Off we go to Dorm C2—the “rowdy dorm.” “The ‘rowdy dorm’?”, I inquire. “Is it like a large group of middle-schoolers? I can handle that!” The Officer stated, “Yes, immature and more.” The Program Director assured me that she “had my back” in case anything should go wrong. The OMAG singers were hesitant to enter, but “caroling, caroling now we go…” By contrast, this dorm had no decorations and few men outside of the “window.” The OMAG men were eager to share what existed behind the window. Gonna find out who’s naughty (or nice)…bunk bed, after bunk bed, after bunk bed in extremely close proximity. The guys explain that they cannot extend their arms in their cots without touching someone else on the next bunk. I digress. The OMAG singers begin singing, and a few men here and there enter into our space to hear our songs. On occasion there was humming along that could be heard and even occasional applause. Certainly a different vibe. And then we sang “Silent Night.” One could have heard a marshmallow drop in this not-so-rowdy-but-silent dorm. More men joined the throng of listeners, although I didn’t notice at the time because my back was facing them because I was conducting. Silence among noise, anger, frustration. Humming. Tears. Bowed heads. This was my winter scene when I turned around to the audience.
Back at the Hope Center where OMAG rehearses, the men enjoyed time together while eating Christmas cookies and drinking hot cocoa. We sat around and shared stories of past Christmas dinners (and my cooking experiences). The men reflected on the little girls dancing and the men in Dorm C2’s attention. One person mentioned that even if he never gets released his goal is to somehow make an impact. Another man mentioned that God’s plan for them is to reform and make differences whether they are inside or outside. Another man queried whether or not they could or should ever be forgiven. Others chimed in about second chances and the “outside” view on redemption and healing. I was the non-participant observer, wanting to learn from the men in our circle of hot cocoa and trust. The conversation turned to pondering the “hard work” of rehabilitation and if their change in mindset, behavior, and being would ever be fully noticed by those who oversee them as wards of the state and society at large. One person noted that they are not US citizens because they are wards of the state (metaphorically stated). Another mentioned that he had done vile things and all “bad” things have victims, seen or unseen, and that they are getting exactly what they deserved. Another man offered to pray for the man who had just made that statement, because “Jesus is forgiveness, and God gives me a second chance, whether others see it and believe it.” Ok, I was not expecting the seriousness and the profundity of this conversation that stemmed from caroling. Hey guys, it’s a celebration! And it continued. Talk of crime, punishment. One person mentioned that prison reform and release must be based on “humanity.” That those who hold power in the prison system must begin to see the men as individuals with the possibility of change, instead of the crime that they once committed. They mentioned the need for education, learning new skills, broadening their expressive opportunities, and gradually being released back into society, instead of being given $75.00 and full release on a particular time and day.
Then I insert my question: “How do you think your personal reform and our sharing music made an impact big, small, or unnoticed today?” Further, “Does it matter that anyone else recognizes reform?” (Yes, to the extent that the observed reform leads to release). We talked about big impact and change taking time, energy, persistence, and passion, and that it begins internally before that energy can affect the external. Then we concluded the cocoa-klatch with one man giving a recitation/reading of something he copied in handwriting from Khalil Gibran’s “The Prophet.” Alas, we never got to our rehearsal. Or maybe we were rehearsing for bigger and better things…
Then said a rich man, “Speak to us of Giving.”
And he answered:
You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things
you keep and guard
for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow
bring to the over prudent dog
burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the
pilgrims to the holy city?
And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full,
the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those who give little
of the much which they have-
and they give it
for recognition and their hidden desire
makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life,
and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy,
and their joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain,
and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not
pain in giving, nor do they seek joy,
nor give with mindfulness of virtue:
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle
breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God
speaks, and from behind their eyes
He smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked, but it is
better to give unasked, through understanding:
And to the open-handed the search for
one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.
And is there aught your would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given:
Therefore give now, that the season of
giving may be yours and not your inheritors`.
You often say,”I would give, but only to the deserving.”
The trees in your orchard say not so,
nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live,
for to with-hold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his
days and nights, is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from
the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be,
than that, which lies in the courage and the
confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend
their bosom and unveil their pride,
that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be
a giver,and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life-
while you, who deem yourself a giver are but a witness.
And you receivers- and you are all
receivers- assume no weight of gratitude,
lest you lay a yoke upon
yourself and upon he who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings:
For to be overmindful of your debt,is
to doubt his generosity who has the
free-hearted earth for mother,and God for father.
(Gibran, The Prophet, 1923, Alfred Knopf Publishers)
Singing Behind Bars 